Silicon Review

BREAKING MENLO PARK: Pretentious Bitch Sports Cheap Purse

In Local News on June 22, 2011 at 11:09 pm

MENLO PARK—Haughty bitch Rachel G. Michelson of Menlo found herself an object of ridicule while shopping on Santa Cruz Avenue with a generic wristlet purse in tow.

“Who does that woman think she is?” asked Stacy Adams, a 33-year-old resident of Palo Alto. “The nerve of some people to strut around without a Coach bag. It’s vile.

“Seriously, I hate her.”

Ms. Michelson's pretentious, cheap purse inspired the wrath of a town.

Michelson, a 31-year-old social worker who moved from Boston in January, seems perpetually oblivious to the arrogance exuded by her style. Her purse, purchased for $9.99 at the Target Department Store in Redwood City, was constructed of black synthetic leather with an imitation of the Chanel logo prominent on the side. Michelson and her purse were noticed at the local Starbucks after she purchased a medium skinny latte, and was promptly greeted with disgust by the baristas.

“It’s pretty unusual. People aren’t usually so gaudy,” said Mikayla Barrington, 16, an employee of the Starbucks. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea going out like that.”

“It makes her look so pompous,” she added.


“I don’t think you should go out in Silicon Valley with any single article of clothing worth less than $200,” said Angela Laursen, 37, a homemaker, who was out on Santa Cruz with her 3-year-old. “Look at my son’s jumper. That was $468 at the baby store in Palo Alto.

“If that ain’t modest, I don’t know what is,” she said.

“Does she need help? I can sell her a Louis Vuitton purse,” said clerk Jonathan Sandway, 28, of Le Petit Chic Boutique. “If she doesn’t want to look like a conceited cunt, she should probably buy one.”

“Her non-designer shoes aren’t helping, either,” Sandway added. “Jesus, why not just walk around with a sticker that says I’m a smug, narcissistic whore. Either that, or put on some Blahniks.”

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